Toronto Sports are Good Again

Toronto’s three major sports teams — the Maple Leafs, Raptors, and Blue Jays — are good for the first time in decades. This poem is a celebration.

The poem “Casey at the Bat,” by Ernest Lawrence Thayer, except it’s the poem “Toronto Sports are Good Again,” by Oren Weisfeld (inspired by “Gordon in the NBA,” by Shea Serrano).

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for Toronto’s major sports teams:
The Leafs, Raptors, and Jays all bad for several decades.
But here in 2018, something finally changed:
Toronto sports are winning, no longer such a shame.

For a Torontonian like myself, the feeling’s truly weird.
Never in my 22 years has a championship been near.
It will never come, I thought. Not with the way things have been.
But it’s March, 2018 and Toronto sports are good again!

The Leafs are fast and skillful, the franchise in good hands.
Andersen, Matthews, Marner: That’s one damn good band.
We might go all the way this year. Stranger things have surely occured.
The playoffs right around the corner, the Bruins should be scurred.

They beat us once before, in heartbreaking fashion nonetheless.
But this time things are different. This Leafs team isn’t like the rest.
The Cup is in their sight: Lord Stanley shiny and tall.
It may very well come home to it’s rightful owner, y’all.

The Raptors, oh, the Raptors. Things were grim for far too long.
But on this day, we sit in first place; A run to the finals can’t be wrong.
The bench mob is thriving. DeRozan’s hitting threes.
The only thing holding us back is the GOD DAMN REFEREES!

A 60 win season is well within reach.
The Cavs, Celtics, and Wizards all easy to defeat.
The Finals didn’t look possible, what with LeBron still in the East.
But the Raptors are a rollin’, the Raptors are a beast.

The Jays must be given praise. They were the first to turn the wheel.
October, 2015 was when Bautista had the zeal.
He flipped his bat so high and mighty, and Torontonians cheered at last:
“Toronto sports are back,” we said. “No more finishing behind the pack!”

So on this day we give thanks, but we also pray aloud:
"Please, dear lord and saviour, make Toronto proud."
No more early exits. No more injuries.
Just one thing is important now: A championship trophy.

Toronto Maple Leafs vs Boston Bruins, Round Two

The NHL has a Race Issue